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Thoughts in Lockdown

I wanted to take a moment to articulate a couple of things which have been on my mind recently.

Firstly, I appreciate your messages about making a booking once lockdown ceases; it means the world to me to know I'm still in your thoughts. However, I don't know when I'll be returning to work so I am apprehensive to make any plans. We will move down the Alert Levels slowly, and I'm sure Auckland will be the last one to be allowed to mingle again. It is impossible for me to practice physical distancing in my job, so I won't be back until we are safely at Level One. Even once I resume seeing clients, my dance card will be limited. I am only a part-time provider this year.

Secondly, you'll possibly see a resurgence of providers offering in-person services at both Level Three and Level Two, and this will be due to a myriad of reasons. The wage subsidy, for those who are able to access it, has been helpful. However, I used to pay $600 a week for my apartment, and the wage subsidy wouldn't have covered this, let alone groceries. It's easy to deflect this truth and tell us to use our savings, though we have recently left a slow season. Summer can be hard for many providers as clients aren't at work, may be out of town, and Christmas chews through discretionary spending. Sex work income is often tumultuous, and people forget our rates aren't pure profit, or that we may support our families. We shouldn't judge those who may return to work before Level One; if I still had that apartment, I may well be returning too. You cannot know someone's financial position through their Twitter page. Finally, on a more personal note, this is the first time I've had a break from work since returning from Europe last October. I've been heavily invested emotionally in this industry for a while and this has taken a toll on my mental health. I am quietly aware leaving this industry is simple for me, all I need to do is delete my social media accounts - I have no overheads locking me in. I am yet to make any decisions around my future in sex work, though I plan to reduce the amount of energy I expend on this brand without financial return.

Thank you for your continued support and kindness. Love, Chloe

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